You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
