By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
