my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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