Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
