I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize