apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize