Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
