I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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