Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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