Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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