Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
