OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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