i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
