what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
