you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
