I will die if light touches me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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