Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
