I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
