fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
