yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
