Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we're so committed to being not committed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
