I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
