I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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