I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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