first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
