Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
