i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
