They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize