I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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