dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
