Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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