Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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