If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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