It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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