Umm I'm too high to move.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
