Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
