so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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