If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
