he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
