I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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