no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
