barbara walters just said penis...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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