Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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