they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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