Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
