Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
