I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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