I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
its liver damage thursday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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