Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would ride that face into the sunset
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
