I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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