porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
