OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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