And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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