yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
