Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
