I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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