My sheets look like a crime scene.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
