woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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