All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
