My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
