Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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