It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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