Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
