I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
worst night to have a conscience
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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