he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
