Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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