Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
