Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
