Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
