Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
