see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
